LOVE WHO YOU MARRY vs MARRY WHO YOU LOVE.

EJIMOFOR HANNAH CHIAMAKA

1984.
The air outside was colder than usual, Beatrice shivered as she stepped outside, with her wrapper around her shoulder. The cold air hit hard against the wrapper, penetrating her skin without even an ounce of pity or respect, as the latest bride to be. She smiled as she thought of herself as a bride, she had always pictured herself looking so beautiful as she dances in a sashaying manner, whining her waist to go present the drink to Emenike, her husband to be.

The thought of Emenike made her smiles fade gradually. She is getting married, but she barely know this man. Her dad had told her that he is from a respectable family and that he would be her husband. Arrangements were made and today he would be coming to take her home. She shivered and shook away her thoughts, scanned the environment- her father’s compound- as everyone seemed to be busy, preparing for her marriage.

Slowly, Beatrice walked back inside and from a window in the sitting room, she stared and stared at the people making preparations. “Yes, I will have to love this man forever for he is the one I am to marry” she thought within herself, as the cold air hit her once more through the window.

2014
Chioma dashed out of the house angrily.
“No, you can’t tell me that dad”
“But he is from a respectable home” her dad replied from within “what is even wrong with you, you have been turning down every suitor that I have introduced to you, you are not getting any younger” he added
“Dad, I need to be with someone I love, someone I can share interest with, not some random stranger who hails from a respectable background” she shouted from outside and quickly left the compound before he would say another word.
She was already engaged to Ken and she would wait for him, she thought.
“I can’t just marry any stranger, I need to marry the one I love”, she said to herself.

From the above scenarios, the first case is a case of loving the person you marry while the second is marrying the one you love. The first case doesn’t consider your feeling nor your interest. All you have to do is submit and love the one that paid your dowry; while the second is a case of choice, marry your choice and be happy.

But do you think that people who loved who they married weren’t happy? (Think about it).
Do you think marriages are better now that we have to make our choice, get a lover, grow interest and get acquainted before getting married; or do you think marriages were better in those times, when you are obligated to love and hold onto your partner, despite who he is and who you are?

Do you think that women are more submissive, now that they have to pick a partner; or was it better then, that they had to love their partner.
Do you think marriages last longer now, that you have to pick your partner; or then that you had to love your partner.
Do you think marrying the one you love, is better than loving the one you marry?

I wouldn’t want to confuse you, but I don’t think marrying the one we love works, most times; because certain people tend to fall in love because of a certain attribute or a feature. So what happens when that thing that caused you to fall can no longer hold you to the ground? Do you just get up and walk out of the relationship cleaning off the dust from the fall (laughs). What about loving the person you marry? Sometimes, it’s just difficult to do some certain things no matter what. So let’s leave this untouched.

Truth is marriage is commitment, To love is to commit. For any relationship to work, you have to decide, loving the person is not enough, You decide to stick to the end. But note that growing your relationship and getting to know each other very well before the marriage isn’t a bad idea either.

Still, which do you prefer?
Marrying the person you love
or
Loving the person you marry.

My advice though is that you do both.