So as promised, I am here with the second version that contains the huge advice from the relationship expert. Now, before I continue; I do believe you must have borrowed a few pages from the book of others. I myself, I was hugely inspired by the thoughts I got from various persons, especially as it cut across genders. But now, I want you to hear (or read) from the expert.
Why do you not need a girlfriend?
“Well, cos no one is worth it and even when you think they are; deep down, they’re not. Basically, I’m not dating for the fun of having a girlfriend or whiling away time. There’s more to it than that.
I’m saying this from experience, though. We all want something more, when it comes to love. Everybody wants to be loved or given attention, everybody craves it. Either from family or friends.
Especially when they dish out so much and they get almost nothing or get hurt in return. Sad truth is, no matter how much you give; it will always be overlooked and taken for granted by many. Why? because, its a natural phenomenon with humans.
Now back to what I was saying; these days everyone wants to hangout or have a partner in their lives for one reason or the other; ranging from loneliness, to footing of bills, intimacy and all that. But then, there’s more to it than all these. There’s the important part of connection (not just sexual chemistry) that brings about the trust, patience and understanding that comes with it. That’s why even when your trust has been broken, you can still forgive over and over again and still keep praying for him or her to get better, not just for you but for themselves.
These days people date you because they’re attracted to you for one reason or the other. That’s what has driven many to doing anything for clout! Check Instagram, everybody there is rich and fine. How about real life?
That’s why you’d message a girl you don’t know, just cos she’s pretty. Though, attraction is the basis for everything; but then, there’s a connection that comes next.
Lemme share an experience. All my life, I’ve never walked up to a girl to ask her name or phone number; basically, cos I grew up to be very shy and I hate being turned down. Even when I grew past all that and became attractive, sexy and hot, I still did not do it. I grew up believing something must connect us and damn, its been working. Cos I feel its rude you approach a lady with no basis for conversation and start talking rubbish and demanding number.
That is why even in most Hollywood movies, its either the guy approaches her by cutting in while she’s thinking out loud and they share an intelligent conversation or he makes the environment subtle enough for her to open up to at least giving him, her contact. That is why he goes for paying for her drinks, buy her a drink or helping her get rid of a human pest, etc.
Never date someone you’re just attracted to; cos man,it fades. Once upon a time, I liked P-square (Nigerian musicians) cos they could dance; right now they can’t. I once liked Ronaldo cos he was a mind blowing dribbler; now he’s a goal machine. ‘Sensible people’ people evolve and changes happen over time; so definitely, attractions fade out.
These connections go way past the whole zodiac stuff, mental, emotional or physical similarities. Yes, these things are key as to dating someone cos you must date your kind. But then, its more spiritual than physical. I can’t be connected to you without fully knowing you and your flaws.
Also, note that you can’t say you love someone when you don’t have at least, 90% knowledge of their flaws and weaknesses (90%, cos humans are full of surprises). So I am connected to you if I know all I know about you and then I still wake up in the night to pray you get better for yourself. I still do all I do while considering your mental and physical well being.
I am connected to you when I love you you more than I love me. But then, a connection is a two way thing. So, its only a connection when you love me more than I love myself and I do the same; and this is only possible, when you are not too physical about things. Its more spiritual. Cos a connection comes with this mind thing that tells me you’re not fine and I call and yes, you’re not.
Lemme give you another experience…
I grew up having so many emotional issues in life and failed relationships; not because I was at fault, but because for some reason the people I love just find a way to leave and then come back begging for forgiveness. Before deciding to let it all go, I’ve dated 4 girls before; I’d only talk about the last two.
The Third: She was in final year and I was in year one. My second degree in a university though. So, I was more advanced than she was age and mentally too. She was damn pretty;
an amazing soul. I gave her my time, attention, energy and cash. I did her projects and all. I’d do my assignments in the morning because I understand I had to finish up her assignments at night cos I knew she was lazy educationally and I didn’t want her to have an F. Though, most times I pushed her to read too. She finally left after some issues based on her receiving constant calls from her ex and ignoring me and all that. She called me some months later to tell me she had an A in her project work and no extra year. I felt good not cos of pride but cos I was able to impact someone’s life. That’s what you do when you love someone. You impact them in one life changing way or the other.
The fourth: She had issues with her love life and started sleeping around and all that before I came into her life. So she met me few months after she had stopped, so I’m guessing she was still rehabilitating (smiles). I’d cut the long story short. Everything was sweet and nice until she cheated the first time. I’m an over thinker and I can be very detailed; so, I found out. We had a long talk and then we settled that. Few months later it happened again! Damn, I felt so insulted and broken but then yet again we talked and we got past that. Then it happened that she uses GB WhatsApp and then I traveled and found out that it had some loose ends and while trying to figure it out, I gained access to her WhatsApp from where I was in Lagos. So, I found out she was cheating again; for the 3rd time. This time around, all forms of trust was broken and it became impossible to trust her. I kept calm and hoped she’d open up but anytime we wanted to talk about it, we’d end up arguing. But, I never told her outright what I knew about her or her phone.
So one day I did and taught her how to encrypt her messages and all that. Finally, we had to separate; cos she for some reasons couldn’t just help herself. Need I remind you that I gave up going abroad for this same girl. That was how amazing things were. But then, things like these happen.
You love someone but then never forget that you should never loose yourself while loving them. Its better you love them from afar while praying for them and hoping they get better than letting them make you loose you. That’s not selfishness I call that love conservation
So that’s why!
Wow! Just Wow! Any advice you have for the single or even those in a relationship?
Single ones; when going into a relationship, get your priorities straight first. Know what you want and how you want it and don’t give in cos you’re lonely or pressured. Your life is not an audition ground. Go for someone who has the same core values as you. A pastor can’t go date a party freak cos if they ain’t like you they are not going to respect what you know and respect.
Those in a relationship; don’t settle for less in your relationship. Growing with someone is only possible in a relationship where there is value, trust and connection. You’d never be able to build with someone you can’t grow with. I’d also add, patience and trust is key in making a relationship work. It takes patience to build and grow in love and harmony; correcting each in love and sincerity. A whole lot of transparency is needed too.
Wow! Thank you much. I must say I have been hugely educated today.
EMMANUEL DURU is our relationship expert. He’s a gymnast, a musician, he’s a model too; he’s one the females would say he’s quite hot. A Nigerian, a foodie, he’s also a chef, CEO of a DURUSCAKES. If you wish to reach out to him for further enquiries; you can do that via
08174955230 on Calls, Text or WhatsApp
@Official_duru_emmanuel on Instagram
Also, in the spirit of love and Valentine; DURUSCAKES do have a special offer and you can also benefit from it; peep this image below.
2 Replies to “WHY DO I NEED A PARTNER? (2.0)”
Mehn!!!!! This was really insightful. Thank you Emmanuel Duru. Man, I’m short of words. *Never loose yourself when you are in love* I will never forget this part..
Sir, I have a question though. Is it bad or is it good to be vulnerable with your spouse (No!! Not spouse, I believe I should be vulnerable with my spouse).. Is it good to be vulnerable with a girl you’re dating???.. yeah!! That’s my question
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To a certain extent yeah.. Let me explain.. Relationship are built on trust. So if you guys are dating already then I’d say you guys trust each other. Women expect a certain amount of humanity and feminism from you as a man. Most times you can only connect or reach out to a woman when you try to see things from her feminine perspective and guess what men naturally believe that makes em vulnerable. But no it doesn’t.
Yes its ok to be.. Its what makes us humans
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